Is He Really To Blame?????

Is He Really To Blame?

By: A. L. Cooper

Often times when a relationship ends, most women can successfully point out all the ways that the men in their lives help contribute to the demise of the relationship.  

I mean I have heard just about everything from the good, to the bad, and of course, no truly wronged woman would ever forget the last straw that broke the camel’s back ugly. I also have to admit that I have preached a sermon on how he wronged me before the congregation of women in my life.  So please understand, I am not writing this article as a narrow-minded insensitive woman. Instead, I am writing this as a woman who wrote, composed, and sang the Wronged Women’s Anthem for years. However, now as I sit back and take a second look, I have to ask myself…Is He Really to Blame? 

I started to ponder on that question a few years ago when I noticed a disturbing trend with my girlfriends.  Their cycle was the same, they would tell everyone about how they were verbally and physically abused.  Then go on to share about how their man cheated and was disrespectful. Yet regardless of the level of drama, they continuously ran back to the same men who disrespected them in the relationship.  

Now one story of such tales earned them my pity. Two or three warranted my sadness but more than ten tales of this disrespect made me questioned their sanity. It also forced me to take a hard look at why they kept going back. And I could only determine that it is because did not really know or understand their God given self-worth. I say that because knowing and owning who you are is the first step in discovering your self-worth.  A woman who has accepted who she is will not settle for anything less than the goodness the Father has given her.  We are all Queens and should require a level of respect that is not mixed with fights, lies, abuse, infidelity and negativity. Let us stop emulating the reality freak shows that the media feeds our minds and create a new sense of wholeness. We need to realize there is no greater love than the love we have for ourselves. Once we realize our value, we permit the fabulous spiritual gift of “goodbye” to grow strong within us.  We learn to let go of the fear of lacking love and allow the blessing of love to flow and usher in a new freedom of increase. 

  

I challenge my entire fellow female sisterhood to really grab hold of God’s word and digest the power in it. Then break free from the bondage of thinking that the kind of love that is given in an abusive relationship is proper and sufficient.  The bible says in 1Corin:13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.  Love never fails.”

This, my sisters is real love. Which is perfect, complete, and not filled with any Friday night drama. It is the true definition of “real love” and should serve as a measuring stick for all of our relationships. 

So, to answer my question, is he really to blame; yes, he is to blame if is he is being physically, mentally or verbally abusive. Yes, he is to blame if he is disrespecting you in any manner. Yes, he is to blame if he is lying to you and committing adultery. However, it is not fair to solely blame him if you accept and stay in that abusive relationship when God has given you a way out of that same relationship?  I feel that just as he is responsible so are we as women. 

So, let us stand accountable and stop lowering our expectations of love; by starting or staying in a relationship that clearly is not what our Father intended for us.  Let us stand up in our righteousness and realize that Jesus Christ has made us worthy of the perfect love of God.  Let us require and expect in faith the love that our Father has promised in His word.  Let us honor God in our singleness by wearing robes of righteousness and walk confidently into healthy relationships knowing whose daughter we are. Lastly, let us always remember Proverbs 31:29, 30: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised”.

Now let the church say Amen.